I miss my cat Ming sooooooo much.........

The day after a wonderful Thanks Giving at a friend's house our cat Ming howled at me and I knew something was wrong.  We left for the vet right away.  He had crystals for the second time in his life and this time it was too late.  He was already septic when we got him there, he died, alone at the vet.  They actually put him in his crate to get transferred to ER for the night.  He was already dead as we stood at the counter to pay for him. I knew he was dead but I didn't want to say it out loud because it would make it all real. Over $1000 in just under 4 hours. The money doesn't matter.  I would have paid any amount to save him.  Truth is, I'd have traded the life of any one of my dogs if I could and I love my dogs an awful lot. There's a lot more to the story and a lot of things are yet unanswered about why a dead pet was packed up for us but it doesn't seem to matter now.  We're just sad because we don't have our baby cat anymore.  Marcel wants to sleep all the time to avoid thinking of him.  I have run myself ragged, working too much to avoid thinking of him.  I can't sleep at night, I have insomnia and I'm so used to listening to him purr next to my head until I fall asleep.  Ming was my special once in a lifetime heart cat.  I'm so glad I told him every day that he was the most favorite cat I ever had and he knew it was true.  I think he thought I was his mate.  Oh, he loved Marcel too but he was my shadow.  I couldn't sit down without him appearing.  He sat on my shoulder when I typed.  He watched me all the time.  I don't think there will ever be another cat like that for me. 

I'm a big girl and we've lost lots and lots of pets over the years but this one is the hardest since I was young and didn't yet know as much about loss of loved ones and special pets.  I'm usually realistic about the short lives of pet but we usually have the luxury of losing them older so we can say they had a very well loved and well lived life but this isn't the case.

We both feel we let Ming down and I definitely feel our "team" of vets let us down.  There is always guilt involved in any loss.  We feel we were preoccupied with holidays, my father's illness, mother's back surgery and the death of a two week old puppy just 4 days prior.  We should have taken heed of some off things we saw in hindsight.  Guilt sucks.  We even have 3 barn cats but they aren't the same.  I feel bad I don't love them as much.  I want to give them a chance in the house but they're terrible house cats climbing on everything and knocking stuff over......more guilt.

Animals live in the moment.  I'm glad Ming isn't in pain any longer.  I can't wait to see him again one day and tell him how sorry I am that I wasn't more assertive about making him homemade food instead of deadly kibble crap.  He was the only animal we had that refused to eat homemade. I can't wait till I can think of him again and not cry.

We will pick up his cremains on Saturday and bring home his little box to join the boxes of those who went before him.  No animal will ever eat kibble again.  I learned a hard lesson at the expense of my best friend and for that I am very, very sorry.  Please don't make that mistake with your cats and dogs.

This is the last picture I took of Ming sitting behind me while at my computer, making sure he had the prime spot closest  to mommy.

I miss you so much Ming-Ming, say hi to Stitchy for me.

God, please let him sit on your lap sometimes.